Gradius
Released in the magical year of 1985, Gradius is one of the many flagship titles that Konami has brought to the world of video gaming. The game has popularized a couple trends in video gaming, such as the selectable power-up bar and the concept of "shoot the core," something that's usually associated with boss battles.
Pew pew! Laser fire!
But why exactly is it rage-inducing? Sure the game happens to be challenging, but that's to be expected from a game that was released during the Golden Era of SHMUPs.
Due to my masochistic fascination with the SHMUP genre, I thought buying this sucker on the Virtual Console was a great idea. I've know begun to regret that decision. Very, very much. The first couple levels go by with some effort. It can cause frustration, but nothing of the screen-smashing, controller-breaking sort. The third level however, is where shit hits the fan. It's infamously known as the Moai stage, due to the irritating Moai Head enemies plastered all over the level.
Giant stone space-heads. I hate you so much.
The Moai are hard. HARD to navigate. With some skill, you can probably make your way through the first two stages without dying. But the third one? Not likely. Dying once here also results in the loss of all your hard-earned powerups, which is an additional slap in the face. The end result for this one wasn't as severe as Breakout or Sinistar, but a prepubescent tantrum and family members were unfairly bombarded with creative insults. Gradius brought out the beast in me. As fun as it is, I still continue to secretly hate it for that. It's like being in love with a hooker, you know she has STDs, but you keep going back to her anyways.
Actually that's a horrible comparison. You should rage quit that hooker like I rage quit this game.
- Kyle K.
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