Retronexus: Dynowarz: The Destruction of Spondylus

The NES had an assload of games. Many of them are fondly remember classics, a majority of them are half-assed garbage that deserve to be forgotten and there are some overlooked gems in the mix. The oddly titled Dynowarz: The Destruction of Spondylus is one of those gems.





Everything about this game screams typical Bandai. Ridiculous spelling, Sci-fi setting, Robot dinosaurs. But that adds to it's charm.


After some digging around on the internet, I managed to find the back story that goes with this game as seen on the game's box.

"Something was terribly wrong in the distant man-made Spondylus Solar System. One by one the planet's central life support computers had been infected with a life threatening virus while the planet surfaces had been overrun with computerized dinosaurs known as Robosaurs. Under attack in his laboratory on Alpha Planet, Professor Proteus, the mastermind of the Spondylus System and the founder of the Robosaur project suddenly realized that this deadly sabotage could only be the work of his former partner, the deranged Dr. Brainius.

Years earlier, the doctor had fled Alpha Planet after Professor Proteus had exposed him for performing forbidden robotic experiments on human subjects. At last, he has returned to seek his revenge using the Professor's own creations! But little did he realize that Proteus had been hard at work for the past few years perfecting the ultimate Robosaur, Cyborasaurus.

There was only one hope to save the Spondylus System."

Fucking. Awesome.

But unfortunately, little of this actually appears in the game. So you're left to using your imagination and such, much like any good oldschool title.

Let's play the game, shall we?

You start off as the good Professor Proteus on foot, jumping around with your tri-directional gun, shooting at various enemies that I can't seem to identify. This mode has some of the most irritating platforming in a video game I've ever dealt with. You have to be spot on when landing on platforms, just a little bit off and you fall through in a pit of death. Fortunately, the one thing that prevents you from rage-quitting and tossing your controller at a small animal.

Once that's done, you hop into Cyborasaurus and you're ready to start messing shit up.

Aw yeah...

Now you get to run around as a dinosaur punching other dinosaurs. Once again, the jumps are kinda tricky, but nowhere nears as frustrating as the on-foot stages. You can pick up other weapons to replace your punch attack. You can get fireballs, a rocket fist, a laser and bombs. Bombs, even when upgraded are quite possibly the worst weapon in a video game, the developers most likely stuck them in here to fuck with you. God forbid if you pick them up.

Now you come across the first boss in the game, just another dinosaur. Hit it a few times and you get to move on.

Now you're back on foot! This time you get to fight a boss at the end of this stage, one of those "viruses" that's mentioned in the story. You kill it, then you get to backtrack to the beginning.

Yes, that's pretty much the antagonist.

Voila, you've completed the first level! Now you rinse and repeat til you see the ending! That's the key problem with the game. Aside from the jumping of course. It's repetition. The game will probably get old fast for some, lots of similar scenery, enemies and music. There isn't even an epic last boss showdown. it just ends. Just fucking ends.

But all in all, it's actually a fun game. It's short, fun, there's a bit of challenge. So if you can, grab a copy for your Nintendo Entertainment System and pop that bitch in!