Awwwww yeah. If you're a guy that loves action flicks (which pretty much defines the film preference of any male), you grew up with the merciless, brooding star names like Stallone, Lundgren and Schwarzenegger in the movies that glorified every destructive moment of them. Well soon, you're about to get all these names and more in what promises to bring life back into the action flick franchise. The Expendables is set to blow theaters away August 13, 2010.
The trailer begins with a group of bikers riding down the street with the voice-over narration of that awesome Trailer Narrator Guy. He tells the audience "they are the world's greatest mercenaries. The only life they've known is war. The only loyalty they've ever had is to each other."
Now as awesome-sounding as the narrator makes these guys sound, let's look at the hard facts. This is telling us nothing more than we would expect to hear about guys like this. There's only so many times we hear descriptions like this before we can finish the lines ourselves.
We're introduced to our Expendables dealing with a group of armed men and hostages, demanding that the mercenaries put their guns out. The Expendables bicker amongst each other of what strategy they should take. The character of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) makes a bit of an age joke, saying that their leader Barney Ross (Stallone) isn't as fast as he used to be. Ross retorts with...
"The only thing faster is...light."
Alright, we get it. You're big, you're bad, you're God if you have so much as a pair of nail clippers in your hand! How big can your self righteousness be before it pops like a balloon?
Well surprisingly Ross is true to his word and the armed men are disposed of. The Expendables then return to their base of operations where we're introduced to their arms dealer/tattoo artist/job hunter...
Okay seriously, how many jobs do these guys have? I thought you said the only life they ever knew was war?
Anyway, their multi-tasking contractor is named Tool (Mickey Rourke). Yes they actually gave this guy the nickname Tool. He tells them that he has a number of jobs ready for them and one is "To hell and back". Naturally because the Expendables eat oatmeal with a side of raw awesomeness for breakfast, they take the hardest job. The agency, which according to movie info is the CIA, has hired them to go to an South American island to remove a military dictactor. The trailer doesn't identify him by name, but he is said online to be a man by the name of General Garza (David Zayas), who is heavily protected.
So we're introduced to the man that has hired the Expendables, Mr. Church (Bruce Willis). For some unexplained reason, Arnold Schwarzenegger is present also to convince Church to hire the Expendables. He appears for about three seconds and then he's gone. But HE'LL BE BACK!
Actually no, he probably won't.
Next the Expendables meet their contact in the South American island, a young woman (Gisele Itié). She warns them of the danger on the island under Garza's tyranny. Anyone who fights back is killed. She asks the Expendables to help, which Ross says can't happen. Which would question what the Expendables were sent over there in the first place for. However, the woman ends up getting kidnapped by Garza's soldiers and the Expendables realize they need to help.
Wait a minute, they're willing to abandon the entire island and then suddenly they just change their minds? Why? Oh wait, I get it! The lady is HOT, right? Yes, the Expendables don't care if men, women and children are dying of corruption and poverty. But if ONE attractive woman is in peril, it's all guns ablazin'!
Well the Expendables have a little downtime with each other, realizing what they're getting themselves into. You'd think for mercenaries this would be nothing new to these guys, but it's a movie, so they're bound to be more dramatic as long as the camera's rolling.
An explosion then sets the action montage in motion where the Expendables get right back to what they know everyone wants to see...bloodthirsty destruction. In the midst of it, Ross brushes himself off claiming that he just got beat up.
No! You got physically injured? Why that would have to make you...human!
Shinedown's song "Diamond Eyes" plays over the footage, which allegedly had been written specifically for the movie. Intros are also shown throughout the melee of the individual characters played by Stallone, Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Coultre...and Steven Austin?!
The trailer finishes with Statham narrowly missing gunshots fired from Stallone at an approaching enemy. "Are you crazy?" Statham asks. "You're welcome!" Stallone retorts. Yes ladies and gentlemen, even the bad jokes are BAD.
The Expendables does have promise in reenergizing the adrenaline boosting cinema that the 1980s and 90s were known for. What it lacks however, is imagination for the modern age. The action and one liners don't look much better than you would have seen years ago. Unless you're offering new life to this aged form, you might as well be doing a period piece.
The cast however is where the movie knows where to pick the right people. Stallone, Willis, Li, even Schwarzenegger shows that you'll be able to bring in all the old fans who want to see their veterans jump back into the game.
RATING: 5/10
-Braydon K
No comments:
Post a Comment