Boyfriends, grab your earplugs. Girls everywhere are likely cheering with joy at the first teaser trailer for the third installment in the Twilight Saga franchise; Eclipse.
Eclipse is the continuing story of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) with her conflicting romance between vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and werewolf Jacob Black, (Taylor "Can't Seem to Keep a Shirt On for Two Minutes" Lautner). While toying between these two lovers, Bella finds a number of problems on her doorstep. Will the vengeful Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) kill Bella for the death of her mate? Will she accept Edward's wedding proposal? Will becoming a vampire restart the war between vampires and werewolves (sound familiar)? Many questions for the film to answer and yet hardly a bearer of the XY chromosone probably gives a hoot.
The trailer begins with Edward Cullen narrating to Bella that he will "love her for every moment of forever". The line is so spoken as so dull that it's as if he poorly read it from a teleprompter. Unfortunately the appearance to follow is no better when Jane (Dakota Fanning) demands to know why Bella has not yet been made a vampire after the events of the last film. Sadly Fanning, who delivered a somewhat decent performance in her role in Eclipse's predecessor, brings no charm whatsoever to even the two lines she speaks in the entire trailer.
Over a sample of well orchestrated music (which may be the trailer's only life preserver in an ocean of gloom), Edward cautions Bella that if she became a vampire everyone around her would slowly pass away. While this is a valid point to the problems of immortality, the trailer decides to only show Bella's parents over this narration. So unless Bella were to succumb to a disease or perish in a fatal accident, she would experience this loss whether she was human or a vampire.
Of course, Jacob Black pokes his head to confront Bella in a meadow. Meadows would appear to be a recurring setting in this trailer. Jacob says she wouldn't have to change if she stayed with him and that "I'm in love with you and I want you to pick me instead of (Edward)". Clearly Jacob thinks Bella is blind, ignorant or stupid as to not to have been able to put 2 and 2 together.
We're then shown the return of Victoria, who pounces around the forest like a spider-monkey (no pun intended). Both Edward and Jacob realize that Victoria is a threat and swear that they will go to any measures to protect Bella's life.
We're then shown the return of Victoria, who pounces around the forest like a spider-monkey (no pun intended). Both Edward and Jacob realize that Victoria is a threat and swear that they will go to any measures to protect Bella's life.
The thankful thing of this trailer is that new director David Slade has decided not to butter up this installment like Chris Weitz did with New Moon. He is showing in a minute and a half exactly what many audience members have realized of this film franchise. It's a bunch of teenagers standing around, giving performances as dry as the Gobi Desert and a brief glimpse/implication of a fight scene that will fool anyone who believes this film series is anything but a romance genre.
For this, I applaud Slade for not trying to pull the wool over our eyes and showing viewers the truth; the Twilight Saga should stay on paper.
Rating: 2/10
Twilight should definitely stay on paper. DVDs are much harder to burn.
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